John: I was at a gathering recently where we were talking about open office spaces. I had seen one at a recent location I had been to. Colleagues were quiet; respectful of each other’s space, but they could walk over and talk to anyone whenever they wanted. It was built on mutual respect. Then someone piped up – “John, there’s a reason why people have doors on the offices.”

I had a certain family member spend time at my house recently here in North Carolina. He wore a huge medallion around his neck, a pinkie ring and he carries himself, with a certain swagger, like an “I’m better than you” swagger. When he asks me about work, he says, “Did you fire anyone today? Why not?” or “How’s the lawn looking John, better than the neighbors?”

I don’t know if either person is trying to play the “cool kid” that I remember from middle and high school, wearing the J. Crew Polo, collegiate sweatshirt with turtleneck underneath, or Absolut Vodka t-shirt with a flannel tied around their waist. I don’t know if the people from high school grew up to be like those individuals. But they might, if they continued to play status games as they grew older. As Goke explains, status games are the social games we play to decide who is in charge. Sports. Twitter. Here. Who has more connections? More clout? More swag?

As Goke goes on to say though, the problem with status games is that they’re zero-sum games. The only way you win in a status game is if someone else loses.

Naval Ravikant explains:“The problem is that to win at a status game, you have to put somebody else down. That’s why you should avoid status games in your life because they make you into an angry combative person. You’re always fighting to put other people down, to put yourself and the people you like up.”

Sandy, I have learned that living the life we truly want to live comes from playing positive sum games, not status games. When we first met, I was playing the wrong game. I have now learned to do what is really important. Taking the time to put the work in. Building wealth is a positive-sum game. As are building skills. Collaborations. If we each have those, chances are we will figure out a way to do better together.

Agree?

Sandy: I definitely agree John.  It’s been my experience that people who choose to play status games, are doing it because they lack positive self-esteem.  For whatever reason, they don’t love, respect and value themselves, so they look to the outside world to validate their existence.

If they don’t get that validation, they become competitive and want to beat others so they can feel like a winner.

The problem with this approach, besides the fact that someone has to lose for you to feel good, is that the positive feelings you get from winning are temporary.  They only last a short time, and then you need to go beat someone else to feel good about yourself again.

When you have positive self-esteem, you know who you are and already feel like a winner.  You are proud of yourself in most areas and are also willing to acknowledge your flaws, without defining yourself by them.

Understanding that the whole package makes you the amazing person you are.  You don’t need to get validation from others because you give it to yourself.

People with good self-esteem play positive sum games.  They don’t need to have others lose in order to feel like a winner, because that comes internally.

It’s wonderful that you are in the place where you don’t need to play games to feel good about yourself or others.  That means your self-esteem is positive, and it’s definitely the best place to be.

Please comment so others can benefit from your wisdom and experience. 

Sandy is now offering a FREE Coaching Call, so you can see what Coaching is all about.  Please email her at Sandy@insidejobscoach.com and put FREE Call in the Subject Line.  She will get right back to you to schedule your call. 

For FREE worksheets on ways to empower yourself, see the Resources Page on our Inside Jobs Coach website.  Also be sure to check out our Books and Programs page. 

If you’d like to bring positive changes into your life, we have the perfect thing for you.  Check out The Rapid Power Pack, and begin to create the life of your dreams. 

If you would like to feel more confident and believe in yourself, check out The Confidence Pack, which contains several powerful worksheets to guide you and an amazing hypnotherapy session to strengthen your belief in yourself.