Positive Vibes – Blast From the Past

 In Communication, Relationships, Self-Confidence, Self-Esteem

John: As human beings, we tend to look back at things with rose-colored glasses. The farther we get from the memory, the better it was. The hard thing to remember is, what happened in the past, does not equal the present. I got hit by a blast from the past recently, where someone who I hadn’t talked to in a very long time, strolled back in. The more I talked to them though, the more I thought about “Garth Brooks, Unanswered Prayers – “We tried to talk about the old days, there wasn’t much we could recall. Guess the Lord knows what he is doing after all. As they walked away, I looked at my wife and then and there I thank the good Lord for the gifts in my life….just because he does not answer, doesn’t mean he don’t care, some of God’s greatest gifts are unanswered prayers.” But for me, my prayers luckily got answered. I was gifted Kelly and I was gifted Nicole. Both of them hold a very significant place in my life and in my heart and both leave me totally fulfilled, albeit in very different ways, but both are amazingly important. They are both significant and I will not tolerate disrespect to either of them.

Sandy, maybe it is me, but I don’t like looking back at the past. There is a reason that people have left. If people come back, it is important to remember why people left in the first place, however the relationship ended. And It does not have to have ended badly, but generally for me, going backwards is a losing proposition. What are your thoughts on this? Is it generally a bad thing to go backwards, or have you left people from your past back in and you are more fulfilled when they come back?

Sandy: Hi John, I love this topic, and I really love Garth’s song.   It’s so powerful and true.

I believe that people are in our lives for a reason, a season, or a lifetime. This makes sense to me. I’ve had many relationships that were wonderful, and then for some reason they were not. There wasn’t a huge fight or breakup. It just seemed that whatever we had come together for had been accomplished, and it was time to move on. Maybe one of us had changed, the situation shifted (we were friends at work and somebody left the company), or we just no longer had anything in common.

However, I’ve learned that I am better for every significant relationship I’ve experienced. There was always something to learn, and often it was a great growth opportunity so I could be even better for the new relationships that are still coming into my life.

So what I do is look at what was, find the takeaways, mentally thank them for our time together, and let it go. I also, like you with Kelly and Nicole, continue to cherish the few people (my husband Gene and our children and grandchildren) who are with me for a lifetime.

Dwelling on the past, once you’ve learned the lesson, keeps you stuck so you can’t move ahead.   Since I hate to be stuck, I find the positive and keep moving forward.

Please comment so others can benefit from your wisdom and experience. 

Sandy is now offering a FREE Coaching Call, so you can see what Coaching is all about. Please email her at Sandy@insidejobscoach.com and put FREE Call in the Subject Line.   She will get right back to you to schedule your call. 

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Showing 4 comments
  • Linda Brown

    Thank you for this. I often don’t take the time to read all these jewels. This one invited me in for some reason. The timing is perfect for a group I just left. I keep thinking about it and miss many there and know my decision was correct in so many ways. I keep catching myself rehashing the final scenario, why I stayed so long in such conflict with factions of people seeking power to get their way over the ‘other’ side – for decades now (in a meditation center). Moreso, I know and can feel there is something great waiting ahead once I let go. Close one door and another opens. Time heals. I redirect my thoughts to focus on what I do want instead of what I don’t want. I’m thinking of India more and more.

  • Sandy Abell

    Thanks for sharing your experience Linda. I commend you for leaving a group that had become toxic. At one point it was probably supportive and met your needs, but both you and the group have evolved in different directions, and it was wise of you to see that you no longer fit. Letting it go so you can move on was a wonderful decision. Many congratulations! I’m excited for you and what lies ahead.

  • Marthanne Goodwin Dedrick

    This really is a timely subject matter…. I by nature am a person who when she forms a friendship hopes that these friendships will come with a life time guarantee. In the real world as you may be aware this is not reality. In the last several years…. I have several very close friends who I thought would be in my life for ever. In each case they played key role in helping shape who I am today. When their leave taking took place…. without a word of explication, I was baffled questioning what I may have done wrong. As I reflect back…. I now can smile at remembering the times shared. I was blessed by knowing them both for a very long time, for their guidance, friendship in times of strife, their belief in me when questioned if I had what it took to get the job done. I realize that each came into my life at a time that I needed people like them. I wish them both nothing but the best, grateful the friendship and guidance provided.

    • Sandy Abell

      Very wise Marthanne. I believe there is always a reason someone is in our life. If it’s good, we want it to be long term, but once the purpose has been fulfilled it’s time for things to shift. Finding the good and thanking them for all they’ve brought is the way to let them go and move on. Thanks for sharing.

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