Positive Vibes — Enough Is Enough!

 In Change, Character, Communication, Conflict, Goals, Relationships, Self-Confidence, Self-Esteem

John: Goke tells the story of two monks – Tanzan and Ekido were once traveling together down a muddy road. A heavy rain was still falling. Coming around a bend, they met a lovely girl in a silk kimono and sash, unable to cross the intersection.“Come on, girl,” said Tanzan at once. Lifting her in his arms, he carried her over the mud. Ekido did not speak again until that night when they reached a lodging temple. Then he could no longer restrain himself. “We monks don’t go near females,” he told Tanzan, “especially not young and lovely ones. It is dangerous. Why did you do that?” “I left the girl there,” said Tanzan. “Are you still carrying her?”

My wife has a strange relationship with her mother. Well, at least I think it is strange – because I don’t understand it. They talk. A lot. Probably 10 times a day. Maybe more. I often wondered why. What do they possibly have to talk about that much? Then I realized. It is not my place to understand. It is their relationship. Not mine. I cannot begin to understand it. Nor should I. It is not my place to judge. Nor should it be. I no longer will carry it around, “Why does she call so much hon?” Maybe they need each other. And that is enough.

Sandy, I used to be angry about this, but I realized that anger about this is like a hot coal I’m holding, waiting to throw at someone. Holding this anger just burns me up. It took me a long time to let go. Why is letting go of preconceived notions so hard?

Sandy: Very wise of you John, to realize that this pattern between Kelly and her mother is their thing, not yours.

However, if their calls are interfering with your time with Kelly (for example, when you two are out to dinner, or with friends, etc.), then it becomes your thing and you have a right to let her know how you feel about the interruptions.

As you said, you don’t need to understand it. It works for them and it’s a well-established pattern. As long as it doesn’t affect you it’s none of your business.

So often we want to judge what someone else does, and then control it to fit what we think should be happening. We have our perspective, and think that how we see something is ‘the truth’ and the only way. However, the reality is that there are as many perspectives and “truths’ as there are people, so it’s actually rare for two people to come from the same place and view things in the same way.

The bottom line is that unless something directly impacts us in a way we don’t want, or is obviously harmful to someone else, we have to respect each others right to live our lives as we choose, even if it doesn’t make any sense to us.

Please comment so others can benefit from your wisdom and experience. 

Sandy is now offering a FREE Coaching Call, so you can see what Coaching is all about. Please email her at Sandy@insidejobscoach.com and put FREE Call in the Subject Line. She will get right back to you to schedule your call. 

For FREE worksheets on ways to empower yourself, see the Resources Page on our Inside Jobs Coach website. Also be sure to check out our Books and Programs page. 

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